Alphabet Game
by ndfrk411
Summary: This Final Fantasy fan fic has no plot, except for killing Sephiroth. You may notice the pattern the sentences go throughout the story. (Hint: The title gives it away!) R&R!


The Alphabet Game 

(The gang is watching TV. Then Cloud pipes up.)

Cloud: Are you guys getting sleepy?

Tifa: Bearing children is less painful than watching a Golden Girls marathon.

Aeris: Carrots anyone?

Cid: Don't even ask. I've had it up to here with those stupid carrots!

Aeris: Even the broccoli?

Yuffie: Frogs eat that, not humans. VEGETABLES SUCK!

Tifa: Grow something like pizza or diet soda.

Aeris: Heck no! 

Cid: I think you should grow some tobacco. Then I don't have to waste money on it.

Yuffie: Jacob's Discount Drug Store has your special brand for 500 gil.

Vincent: Kangaroo Gun Oil is 40 gil. So if you go and get it, pick up that too.

Barret: Losers get Kangaroo Gun Oil. 

Vincent: Maybe you should shut your trap, you big idiot.

Barret: No thank you.

Aeris: Open your hearts! 

Tifa(obviously not listening): Pokemon's on! Yes!!!

Barret: Quiet down! I'm in the middle of a fight that I'm obviously winning.  
Vincent: Really now? I think you smoke crack!

Barret: SHUT THE HELL UP!

Aeris: Tell them to stop Cloud! They are making me feel like a pair of bicycles!

Cloud: Unicycles, perhaps?

Aeris (singing): Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?

Vincent: X-rays are better for you gun's luster!

Barret: Yack yack yack. That's all I hear from you!

Yuffie: Zebras! I love zebras!

Tifa: Animal Planet again? I hate you.

Cait Sith: Be quiet! We have news to tell you guys.

(they all shut up for a moment)

Cait Sith: Cats are worshiped in Egypt! Isn't that cool?

Red XIII: Dire Straights renamed themselves. Now their the Stinky Oinkers!

Yuffie: Everyone shut up! The zebras are mating!

Tifa: Freakin' nasty!

Red XIII: Great! Now I missed The International Dog Show!

Vincent: Hark! Did you hear that noice?  
(A knock is heard)

Yuffie: I'll answer it. (She walks over to the door. She peeks through and she sees Elmyra)

Elmyra: Just me! 

(They open it up.)

Elmyra: KKK members are in the neighborhood. I'd be careful.

Aeris: Like I care! I can kick all of their butts!

Cid: Moron! They travel in 100's!  
Cloud: Not one of us knows how to dispose of them, so I'll do it.

Elmyra: Oh, I forgot to tell you. One of the members is Lucricea. And since you can't tell which one is which, I'd be careful who you kill.

Vincent: Please let me go, too! I mean, she's my girlfriend.

Yuffie: Quickly! Let's go!

Tifa: Restate that, let's all go! (they all leave the house.)

Elmyra: Stupid fools! Everyone knows the KKK doesn't make house calls on Fridays.

(Then Sephiroth unzips the costume)

Sephiroth: These guys believe everything! Now, what to do about their belongings? 

(Sephiroth looks around)

Sephiroth: Uncivilized people! Pizza boxes, candy wrappers, dirty underwear, ooo! I'll take that! (he slips Tifa's bra into a knapsack)

Cloud: Viking Vickers! What are you doing here?

Sephiroth: Waiting for you to get back so I can mug you!

Cloud: Xylophone bars are all I have on me!

Sephiroth: You lie!  
Yuffie: Zebras! Zebras! Zebras! 

Cloud: Ah ha! I have a toothpick! 

Sephiroth: Be serious. I need moolah and I need it now!

Yuffie: Call 911 'cause I love zebras!

Sephiroth: Die! (he stabs her with the Masumane.)

Yuffie: Everyone loves zebras!

Cloud: Funny, I thought she liked monkeys.

Sephiroth: Great, now I have to listen to both of them

Cloud: How dare you!

Sephiroth: I think it's time we duel. Fists or swords?

Cloud: Just swords would be fine. 

Sephiroth: Killing is such sweet sorrow. 

Cloud: Likewise.  
(They don't budge)

Sephiroth: Make your move, coward!

Cloud: Never!

Sephiroth: Ok then. 

(He lunges at Cloud, but Cloud uses Stop and Small on him.)

Cloud: Personally, I think I could sell him for big bucks. Hmm... (Cloud sells Sephiroth on eBay for 6,000,000 gil to a buyer in the Northern Cave.) 

Cloud: Quite the idea.

Tifa: Remember that thing I got off the Internet, Cloud? Well, it's here! (she opens the package and a statue of Sephiroth is in the bottom of the box.)


End file.
